Mother's Day... almost

Where has the time gone. You, my baby girl, are 9 and a half months old already. It feels like just yesterday that we came home as a family together for the first time. Life is just amazing. You are amazing.


You know, everywhere I go, people are always talking to me about you. I'm sure the fact that I post so many pictures and video's of you on facebook lends a hand to that, but I just can't help it. I mean, we must be doing something right because you are such a happy little person! You are by far the funniest person that I have every met. You have such a big personality for such a little girl. You are kind and sensitive, yet you laugh when you fart (You must get that from your father).

It completely amazes me every single day how smart you are. I find myself saying "How did you do that!" on a daily basis!

Let's see...

• You are at the point now that you will no longer let me feed you. It's like you have this big girl personality when you are with me, as if to say "Mommy, I'm a big girl now"... yet with Daddy, it's as if you're saying "oh Daddy, just one more spoonful".
• My most favourite time of day is when you and I are cuddling in bed together. We usually take a morning nap together every day, and to watch you squirm awake, reach over to me, toss your head on my chest, and then look up and give me that signature smile, just melts my heart.
• You are a moving machine, and lately your favourite game is getting to the top of the stairs as quickly as you can! (you even get mad when you notice that we are holding on to your shirt, just in case).
• You play peek-a-boo through your playpen all the time, and you lift up your shirt so that we can give you razberries on your belly!
• You shake your head side to side as if saying NOOOOO, with a big ol' grin on your face.
• You love to eat! Carrots, peas, corn, and YOGURT are your favourites.
• You cry when I get frustrated with you, and then I give you a million mommy kisses to make up for it.
• You've also learned how to give your very own Solana kisses. Whether it's good morning kisses, or random "I need to stop playing so I can give momma a kiss" kiss, I cherish each one. Sometimes, when I'm pacing around the house talking on the phone with you on my hip, you'll continuously plant those open mouth kisses on my cheek. I can't help but giggle every time.
• And you talk! Oh how you TALK! And one day, I'll stop translating for you because I'll know exactly what you're saying :)
• You get so shy around people that you haven't seen for the last 24 hours which makes me think that you are a master of disguise ;)
• and did I mention that you laugh when you fart?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about our future together. What kind of relationship do we need now, in order for us to have a great one in the future. I remind myself of that every day to keep myself in check. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day activities, and forget about what the goal is here. I mentioned the whole eating issue. It took me forever to realize that you and I were just in a power struggle. I wanted to feed you, you swatted away the spoon. I wanted to feed you, you screamed. I wanted to feed you, you fed the cats with oatmeal on the floor. I had to stop and think. I wanted you to eat. So I gave you food that you could eat yourself, and VOILA!
I think that was the first time that I had to let go, and watch you try it on your own. And you did great.
Lesson #1785 of motherhood: Let them try it on their own, and be there if it doesn't work out, but most important, be there when it does.

Our first Mother's Day is coming up and I'm truly starting to realize how lucky and blessed I am to have someone like you in my life. A daughter. I beautiful girl, who lets momma put headbands in her hair. I look forward to the day that I can braid your hair, and then the day that you will braid mine (I guess I'll have to work on growing it out first.)
I look forward to the day that you tell me about what your cousin Dallas did, or how you met your first best friend.
I look forward to the day that I watch Daddy give you a little push on your bike without the training wheels, and the day I put the bandage on your knee if you fall over.
I look forward to the day that I'll be laying in a boat, reading a book and catching some rays, while you and Daddy sing "here fishy, fishy", hooking worms onto a line.
I look forward to the day that I watch you sing in a school play, and the day that you tell me about your first crush.
I look forward to the day that you swim your first lap, score your first goal, get your first home run (or whatever you want to do).
I'll look forward to the day that you go to highschool, your first job, your first love.
I look forward to the day that you cry on my shoulder when a boy breaks your heart, and I'll tell you about my heart. (and then I'll send Daddy after him)

I can keep going... on and on and on and on. We are going to share so many laughs, so many cries, and so many stories. If you are this amazing now, I can just imagine how amazing you will be in all that you do.

Most importantly, I look forward to the nights that you and I will share, lying together in my bed, just as we do now. With you telling me a story about what's going on in your life, and I'll tell you one of mine.

I promise you this, Solana, I will do whatever it takes to have that relationship with you. You are the light of my soul. My sunshine. My heart. I can't imagine what life would be without you in it, and I cherish every minute of each day with you.

Thank you for making me such a happy mommy!

Love you baby girl!

Bumps and Bruises

Ugh. You CRIED. And I held you and said... "shhh... it's okay Baby. Mommy's right here with you. Shhhh... Everything is going to be okay."

Once you were left to just sniffles... it was mommy's turn to cry. Wow. Watching you get your first true bump, just crushed my heart.

But, then I realized, there will be many more bumps, and many more bruises. I will watch you bump a lot more. I will watch you scrape your knee. I will watch you cry over a broken heart. And mommy will always hold you and say... "shhh... it's okay Baby. Mommy's right here with you. Shhhh... Everything is going to be okay."

And then I will cry too.

Lil' D

It's too funny to watch you and Dallas together. When he was first born, you were only 5 months older than him, but you looked like a GIANT!

This is your first meeting of cousin Dallas...
Your first nap together...

You wanted to check out his crib, but then almost tried to squish him...

Just days after he was born...

You, Daddy and Uncle Dave with Dallas...

At Nonno's 65th birthday dinner (February, 2010). You were trying to help Dallas break out of his chair. He showed no interest...

Chilling out with Dallas (yup, he's chillaxin' bottom left hand side) at Uncle Dave and Auntie Alicia's house. He didn't care much about watching TV with you.

Watching the Olympics together...

A day at the park...

We've had AMAZING Spring weather this year. By March 1'st there was NO snow on the ground. A week or so ago, we took a trip to Bellevue Park with Dallas and your Aunt and Uncle. It was a great day! I'll let the photos tell the story...

Notice the bareless foot? How do you do it so fast!....

My very favourite picture of you and Daddy together ♥

I look forward to all the ways the two of you will grow up together. ♥

Candles Galore!

6 months!

Definitely starting to catch on to the candle here. So many crazy things happened during your 6th month. But that's another post!

7 months!

Yup! DEFINITELY noticed the candle this month! Take a look at the pictures... last one, you ALMOST burned a hole in mommy's sleeve! HA!

8 months!

This month I feel like you've changed so much at 8 months. It's almost as if my baby has moved on and became a toddler. When I wasn't looking!

Like I said... so much has happened in the last three months. More to come....

10 little toes...

Ha! My first introduction to those precious little toes is a funny one. Minutes after you were born, our midwife, Fiona, showed me your footprint that they took for their records. Now you have to know that I still haven't had a chance to hold you at this point. What she showed me was a TINY little foot print minus ONE TOE!!! I thought you were toeless! I actually panicked for a quick second until they told me that you refused to put your toe down on the paper. See! You were already developing your little personality.

Through the days after bringing you home, I developed an infactuation with your toes. I'd squeeze them all the time, and stare at them when you were sleeping. I'd tickle them just to watch you make them wiggle. They were just so... round. Daddy and I marvelled at the fact that these little toes have never touched ground before. They have no imprint or shape because they were always carried with so much love.

Almost 8 months later, I still have the same infactuation with your toes. And I think you do too! You ALWAYS figure out a way to get your shoes off of your feet. I even search for the kind that DO NOT COME OFF. But you, my little monkey, always find your way. And once the shoes are off... well... then it's only a matter of time before I see those toes come out from under your socks!

We even sing a song about them!

"Everybody knows, I love your toes.

Everybody knows, I love your toes.

I love your feet, I love you hands,

I love your hands, I love you nose,

But everybody knows, I love your toes!"

And then I eat them, and you giggle your contagious giggle ♥

There is a small difference about your toes though. Some are no longer round. Some are even a little flat. You, my princess, are a VERY busy girl these days! You've discovered crawling for about a month now, and along with that came pulling yourself up. But I have to say, your most favourite activity is "walking" around with mommy. I'm sure you'll be walking on your own in no time! (Although I really wouldn't mind if you took your time... haha!)

But the other day, I had to stop and take a look at these toes of yours and marvel at how the world is changing you and shaping you into who you are.... already.

Take in every moment, baby girl. And love life every day as you do now :)

Love you babes!

(PS. soon enough... mommy can paint the adorable little toe nails that come with the adorable little toes! I think we'll start with PINK!)

The reason I write...

is for you.

I went to Gram's funeral today. And afterwards, Auntie Alicia, a few friends, and I spent many hours together... and then I came home.

It was a beautiful ceremony. I always knew how beautiful of a woman Gram was, but after today I wondered... what will people say of me when it is my turn to pass on to heaven, how do people view who I am as a spirit.

As I was feeding your last bottle of the night at 11:30 pm, I wonder, if I passed tomorrow, would you remember me. Would you remember the the way you wrapped your tiny fingers around my own. Would you know how I watch every movement of your tiny being so often and stare at you in disbelief that this tiny little miracle is my own.... You cried for a few minutes as if you waited for me to come home so you could wrap those sweet fingers around my own, waiting for me to pick you up and hold you close and feed you in my arms... and as I did I loved every inch of your soul.

Would you remember the way I hold you when you are scared. Would you remember the way that I pick you up when you are crying. Would you remember the songs that I sing to you, and the times I try to eat your toes, and the way I would give you Eskimo kisses or tussle my hair in your face to make you giggle. Would you remember the way that I try with all my might and being to take every single possible inch of your pain or sadness out of you when you are so little and just need to yell. Would you remember how I would laugh at your smile, and the smirk in your laugh.

I watch you grasp at my hands and wonder will you forever know how terribly I love you. As I am writing this, tears swell out of my eyes because I know as a new mother, I often feel rash and nervous and scared and frustrated, and then there are times like this where I watch you reach for my hand and feel the intense love that I have for you... that a mother has for a child... and I wonder.. if I went tomorrow... would she remember?

I listened to the service today about Gram, and realized, that nothing in the world matters except to make the people that matter to me most KNOW how much I love them. How much my life only matters as long as they know how MUCH I love them.

And I will start with you. Baby girl, I can only write it so many times but I LOVE YOU. One day, I will move on to another world, where I will reunite with those that we love, but know, that no matter how old I am, whether it be tomorrow or 80 years from now, at this moment in time, my heart is forever with yours. That you are my heart. And you are my soul. And I will ALWAYS be with you.... whether or not you can wrap you tiny hands around mine.... or I wrap my wrinkled hands around yours... you are my heart and you have my soul.

Forever and always baby girl.... Mommy loves you.

Heaven has opened its arms...

Your Auntie's Gram was a wonderful gentle soul. She has a heart of gold and I was a very lucky person to have known a part of her. I believe that your Auntie has Grams' heart. She first told me about her on a road trip that we once took together and after meeting "Gram", I knew in my heart that Auntie Alicia was the one for your Uncle Dave.

I just want you to know, that even though you most likely will not remember this amazing woman, that she thought you were such a "Bella" and cared about you. She will forever be your cousin Dallas' guardian angel, and I'm sure she will be keeping an eye on you too.

I've never in my life met someone with such amazing "life advice" as Gram... she would just say these amazing things, that would make anyone think twice about how they view life. She was an amazing hugger, and always made everyone around her feel the love that she has in her.

I remember the day that you were playing in her arms and she was telling a story about how she was so loved by so many people, that maybe that is why she doesn't know how to hate, because she was so loved... well I hope that when you grow old, you feel the same way Solana. Mommy (and so many more) loves you Unconditionally.

Until we meet again Gram....