Oh Solana

Saying Goodbye...

2010-06-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

It is 5:30 in the morning of the day we move out of our first home and into a new one. Right now, Daddy is sleeping on a mattress in the middle of what was once our living room as I sit up thinking about our last three years here. We've kept you away from all the moving preparations by spending a few days at Nana & Nono's and Grandma & Grandpa's house. You'll have a blast I'm sure, coming into a new house that is ready for a crawling, walking, happy baby.

As anyone can tell you, and I'm sure you will soon learn, Mommy is a pretty sentimental and emotional person, so leaving this place brings a lot of sadness to my heart. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy to get into the new house where there is tons of room for you to play, but saying goodbye to this old place, will take a few tears because of all the memories we've made here.

Daddy and I bought this house just a few months before our wedding day. The minute we stepped foot into it, we knew that this is the place we wanted to spend our first years together, and hopefully start a family here. It had so much character and charm. It reminded me of a real life doll house (not that I've ever owned a doll house, but if I had, I probobly would have liked it).

On the day that we got the keys to the house, we invited some friends over for our first ever Corona Party that used to take place every Friday night on our teeny tiny deck. Sitting around with friends, and jamming to a guitar in the middle of the night, was my one of my most favourite thing. Actually, it still is. That first night, all we had in our home was a mattress and a TV sitting in the middle of the lisving room floor. Funny how things have turned full circle as three years later, we are laying in the middle of the living room floor, with a TV to watch.Very, and I mean VERY shortly after Daddy and I got married, I got the "I want a baby" itch. To put a bit of a hold on that, Daddy thought it would be a great idea to start a fur family first. When we went to the Humane Society to pick out a kitten, we came home with two! Our first little family :)Well, the "I want a baby" itch came back pretty quickly, and this time, Daddy couldn't be happier. At a New Year's Eve party at our house, we were finally able to announce to the world that we were expecting a baby!!!I was very lucky to have a wonderful, healthy pregnancy. And to this day, I sometimes still miss carrying you in my belly. Getting your room ready was so much fun since Daddy and I worked in it together, preparing to bring our child home. I LOVE your nursery! I can't tell you that enough. There are so many precious moments spent here.Here we go! I laboured at home for quite a few hours before heading to the hospital. Being in the comfort of my own home, with Daddy and Nana, made things a bit more bearable (but just a bit...) And here you were! I remember walking up the stairs with you, and lying you in your crib for the very first time. You were so very tiny. I couldn't ever imagine how you'd grow into it. As I've written about before, things were a bit stressful after we brought you home. There were nights that the three of us stayed up for hours. You crying your little heart out, me crying right along with you, and Daddy trying to console his two girls. Taking pictures was his way of making me laugh. It worked. But even though the nights brought a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights, you were so precious and could calm me with just a look in your eyes. You loved being in your swing in the living room...and could fall asleep on Daddy's chest in a heartbeat. My favourite moments of those first days were when I'd walk into a room and find you and Daddy cuddled up taking a well deserved snooze. Bath times was one of my favourite times with you (and you obviously loved them too!). I used to bathe you in your little tub in the middle of your nursery floor. This is a picture of our first trip out (and first selfie) as a family. You were only a week old at the time, and Daddy and I decided we needed to buy you your first dress. At only 4 weeks old, you were already so strong. This is one of our very favourite pictures of you. Doing your very first Tummy Time on your bedroom floor.

Two months old, and holding yourself up in the bumbo chair. We used to prop you on the coffee table and just marvel at how cute you were! Such a sweet little baby.

Getting ready for our first walk together to Bellvue Park. My favourite season has always been fall, but at our house, it was even better. I am really going to miss the sight of the old trees that we have surrounding our yard. (It just REALLY sucked raking up those leaves!)

3 months old, playing with Daddy in the living room.

Your baptism was a great day! Getting you all dressed up in your gown on Mommy and Daddy's bed.

Staring out the window, checking out our first real snowfall with Daddy. This year we put the Christmas tree up in the Dining Room.

I loved having you watch me get ready for my day while playing in my bed. We had some funny times in here. You always knew just how to make mommy giggle.

Your first taste of cereal from a spoon. You LOVED it! If I only knew then how messy of an eater you'd become! Ha!

Your first Christmas in our house. We did a mommy-made photo shoot underneith the Christmas tree. (Could you be ANY cuter?)

You were such a good helper when it came to doing the laundry. The trek from the basement to our bedrooms upstairs with a baby and laundry basket in tow was a little too difficult for my liking, so we improvised.

Learning to crawl at almost 6 months old! You were a little speedster in the kitchen going back and forth!

Sitting up in the living room playing with your bucket of toys.

You learned to pull yourself up and cruise the furniture pretty quickly. Yet another photo shoot as we head to our first swimming lessons together.

Easter Brunch in our Dining Room. As you can see, pics in the dining room were few and far to come by. As you will soon figure out, Mommy is NOT a good cook!

At 8 months old, helping Mommy get breakfast ready in the kitchen.

What a good little helper you are!

You've always loved bath time. In this particular picture, as I was getting you ready in your bedroom, you b-lined to the washroom to watch Daddy get your bath ready. I'm sure you were squaking at him to hurry it up!

We always spent most of our time playing in the living room. My mornings with you are always my favourite. It didn't matter what kind of sleep you and I had, or how the morning had started off, because playing in your PJ's, or scooting around the house, you always had that smile on your face.

Funny faces. At 10 months old, it is already easy to see your sense of humour!

Helping Mommy pack (or should I say UN-pack) the tupperware.

SOLD! You obviously look very happy about it, but I have to say, I had some really mixed feelings about it. I am so excited to move into our next home together. It will be the home where you master your walking techniques (already taking your first steps at 10 months old). It is where you will spend your first summer playing outside. It's where you'll learn to run, and learn to explore. It's where you'll probobly learn how to ride a bike, and so many exciting things. You will more than likely grow up in this next home, and we'll make so many amazing memories there as a family. But I am sad to say goodbye to this house. From the first night sleeping on the mattress on our living room floor, to the last. Daddy and I have shared so many ups and downs together here, and this is where we experienced your first year of life. I think what makes me sad the most, is that you will not remember. You will not be able to look back upon all the times that we spent here. But, I guess that's why I write. So that you will have a glimpse of the happy times that we spent here. Our little family (plus Chloe and Spaz).I'm not sure if you can make it out in this picture or not, but this is a picture of the mirror above the couch in our living room. Your handprints are marked on the mirror from you making faces on it. Your handprints are all over this home. You've made your mark here, and I can't wait to have you make your mark on the new house too!

Love you baby girl!

Mother's Day... almost

2010-05-06T22:08:00.001-07:00

Where has the time gone. You, my baby girl, are 9 and a half months old already. It feels like just yesterday that we came home as a family together for the first time. Life is just amazing. You are amazing.

You know, everywhere I go, people are always talking to me about you. I'm sure the fact that I post so many pictures and video's of you on facebook lends a hand to that, but I just can't help it. I mean, we must be doing something right because you are such a happy little person! You are by far the funniest person that I have every met. You have such a big personality for such a little girl. You are kind and sensitive, yet you laugh when you fart (You must get that from your father).

It completely amazes me every single day how smart you are. I find myself saying "How did you do that!" on a daily basis!

Let's see...

You are at the point now that you will no longer let me feed you. It's like you have this big girl personality when you are with me, as if to say "Mommy, I'm a big girl now"... yet with Daddy, it's as if you're saying "oh Daddy, just one more spoonful".
My most favourite time of day is when you and I are cuddling in bed together. We usually take a morning nap together every day, and to watch you squirm awake, reach over to me, toss your head on my chest, and then look up and give me that signature smile, just melts my heart.
You are a moving machine, and lately your favourite game is getting to the top of the stairs as quickly as you can! (you even get mad when you notice that we are holding on to your shirt, just in case).
You play peek-a-boo through your playpen all the time, and you lift up your shirt so that we can give you razberries on your belly!
You shake your head side to side as if saying NOOOOO, with a big ol' grin on your face.
You love to eat! Carrots, peas, corn, and YOGURT are your favourites.
You cry when I get frustrated with you, and then I give you a million mommy kisses to make up for it.
You've also learned how to give your very own Solana kisses. Whether it's good morning kisses, or random "I need to stop playing so I can give momma a kiss" kiss, I cherish each one. Sometimes, when I'm pacing around the house talking on the phone with you on my hip, you'll continuously plant those open mouth kisses on my cheek. I can't help but giggle every time.
And you talk! Oh how you TALK! And one day, I'll stop translating for you because I'll know exactly what you're saying :)
You get so shy around people that you haven't seen for the last 24 hours which makes me think that you are a master of disguise ;)
and did I mention that you laugh when you fart?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about our future together. What kind of relationship do we need now, in order for us to have a great one in the future. I remind myself of that every day to keep myself in check. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day activities, and forget about what the goal is here. I mentioned the whole eating issue. It took me forever to realize that you and I were just in a power struggle. I wanted to feed you, you swatted away the spoon. I wanted to feed you, you screamed. I wanted to feed you, you fed the cats with oatmeal on the floor. I had to stop and think. I wanted you to eat. So I gave you food that you could eat yourself, and VOILA!
I think that was the first time that I had to let go, and watch you try it on your own. And you did great.
Lesson #1785 of motherhood: Let them try it on their own, and be there if it doesn't work out, but most important, be there when it does.

Our first Mother's Day is coming up and I'm truly starting to realize how lucky and blessed I am to have someone like you in my life. A daughter. I beautiful girl, who lets momma put headbands in her hair. I look forward to the day that I can braid your hair, and then the day that you will braid mine (I guess I'll have to work on growing it out first.)
I look forward to the day that you tell me about what your cousin Dallas did, or how you met your first best friend.
I look forward to the day that I watch Daddy give you a little push on your bike without the training wheels, and the day I put the bandage on your knee if you fall over.
I look forward to the day that I'll be laying in a boat, reading a book and catching some rays, while you and Daddy sing "here fishy, fishy", hooking worms onto a line.
I look forward to the day that I watch you sing in a school play, and the day that you tell me about your first crush.
I look forward to the day that you swim your first lap, score your first goal, get your first home run (or whatever you want to do).
I'll look forward to the day that you go to highschool, your first job, your first love.
I look forward to the day that you cry on my shoulder when a boy breaks your heart, and I'll tell you about my heart. (and then I'll send Daddy after him)

I can keep going... on and on and on and on. We are going to share so many laughs, so many cries, and so many stories. If you are this amazing now, I can just imagine how amazing you will be in all that you do.

Most importantly, I look forward to the nights that you and I will share, lying together in my bed, just as we do now. With you telling me a story about what's going on in your life, and I'll tell you one of mine.

I promise you this, Solana, I will do whatever it takes to have that relationship with you. You are the light of my soul. My sunshine. My heart. I can't imagine what life would be without you in it, and I cherish every minute of each day with you.

Thank you for making me such a happy mommy!

Love you baby girl!

Bumps and Bruises

2010-03-31T21:04:00.000-07:00

Ugh. You CRIED. And I held you and said... "shhh... it's okay Baby. Mommy's right here with you. Shhhh... Everything is going to be okay."

Once you were left to just sniffles... it was mommy's turn to cry. Wow. Watching you get your first true bump, just crushed my heart.

But, then I realized, there will be many more bumps, and many more bruises. I will watch you bump a lot more. I will watch you scrape your knee. I will watch you cry over a broken heart. And mommy will always hold you and say... "shhh... it's okay Baby. Mommy's right here with you. Shhhh... Everything is going to be okay."

And then I will cry too.

Lil' D

2010-03-31T20:11:00.001-07:00

It's too funny to watch you and Dallas together. When he was first born, you were only 5 months older than him, but you looked like a GIANT!

This is your first meeting of cousin Dallas...
Your first nap together...

You wanted to check out his crib, but then almost tried to squish him...

Just days after he was born...

You, Daddy and Uncle Dave with Dallas...

At Nonno's 65th birthday dinner (February, 2010). You were trying to help Dallas break out of his chair. He showed no interest...

Chilling out with Dallas (yup, he's chillaxin' bottom left hand side) at Uncle Dave and Auntie Alicia's house. He didn't care much about watching TV with you.

Watching the Olympics together...

A day at the park...

We've had AMAZING Spring weather this year. By March 1'st there was NO snow on the ground. A week or so ago, we took a trip to Bellevue Park with Dallas and your Aunt and Uncle. It was a great day! I'll let the photos tell the story...

Notice the bareless foot? How do you do it so fast!....

My very favourite picture of you and Daddy together ♥

I look forward to all the ways the two of you will grow up together. ♥

Candles Galore!

2010-03-31T19:53:00.001-07:00

6 months!

Definitely starting to catch on to the candle here. So many crazy things happened during your 6th month. But that's another post!

7 months!

Yup! DEFINITELY noticed the candle this month! Take a look at the pictures... last one, you ALMOST burned a hole in mommy's sleeve! HA!

8 months!

This month I feel like you've changed so much at 8 months. It's almost as if my baby has moved on and became a toddler. When I wasn't looking!

Like I said... so much has happened in the last three months. More to come....

10 little toes...

2010-03-11T19:35:00.001-08:00

Ha! My first introduction to those precious little toes is a funny one. Minutes after you were born, our midwife, Fiona, showed me your footprint that they took for their records. Now you have to know that I still haven't had a chance to hold you at this point. What she showed me was a TINY little foot print minus ONE TOE!!! I thought you were toeless! I actually panicked for a quick second until they told me that you refused to put your toe down on the paper. See! You were already developing your little personality.

Through the days after bringing you home, I developed an infactuation with your toes. I'd squeeze them all the time, and stare at them when you were sleeping. I'd tickle them just to watch you make them wiggle. They were just so... round. Daddy and I marvelled at the fact that these little toes have never touched ground before. They have no imprint or shape because they were always carried with so much love.

Almost 8 months later, I still have the same infactuation with your toes. And I think you do too! You ALWAYS figure out a way to get your shoes off of your feet. I even search for the kind that DO NOT COME OFF. But you, my little monkey, always find your way. And once the shoes are off... well... then it's only a matter of time before I see those toes come out from under your socks!

We even sing a song about them!

"Everybody knows, I love your toes.

Everybody knows, I love your toes.

I love your feet, I love you hands,

I love your hands, I love you nose,

But everybody knows, I love your toes!"

And then I eat them, and you giggle your contagious giggle ♥

There is a small difference about your toes though. Some are no longer round. Some are even a little flat. You, my princess, are a VERY busy girl these days! You've discovered crawling for about a month now, and along with that came pulling yourself up. But I have to say, your most favourite activity is "walking" around with mommy. I'm sure you'll be walking on your own in no time! (Although I really wouldn't mind if you took your time... haha!)

But the other day, I had to stop and take a look at these toes of yours and marvel at how the world is changing you and shaping you into who you are.... already.

Take in every moment, baby girl. And love life every day as you do now :)

Love you babes!

(PS. soon enough... mommy can paint the adorable little toe nails that come with the adorable little toes! I think we'll start with PINK!)

The reason I write...

2010-02-17T20:58:00.000-08:00

is for you.

I went to Gram's funeral today. And afterwards, Auntie Alicia, a few friends, and I spent many hours together... and then I came home.

It was a beautiful ceremony. I always knew how beautiful of a woman Gram was, but after today I wondered... what will people say of me when it is my turn to pass on to heaven, how do people view who I am as a spirit.

As I was feeding your last bottle of the night at 11:30 pm, I wonder, if I passed tomorrow, would you remember me. Would you remember the the way you wrapped your tiny fingers around my own. Would you know how I watch every movement of your tiny being so often and stare at you in disbelief that this tiny little miracle is my own.... You cried for a few minutes as if you waited for me to come home so you could wrap those sweet fingers around my own, waiting for me to pick you up and hold you close and feed you in my arms... and as I did I loved every inch of your soul.

Would you remember the way I hold you when you are scared. Would you remember the way that I pick you up when you are crying. Would you remember the songs that I sing to you, and the times I try to eat your toes, and the way I would give you Eskimo kisses or tussle my hair in your face to make you giggle. Would you remember the way that I try with all my might and being to take every single possible inch of your pain or sadness out of you when you are so little and just need to yell. Would you remember how I would laugh at your smile, and the smirk in your laugh.

I watch you grasp at my hands and wonder will you forever know how terribly I love you. As I am writing this, tears swell out of my eyes because I know as a new mother, I often feel rash and nervous and scared and frustrated, and then there are times like this where I watch you reach for my hand and feel the intense love that I have for you... that a mother has for a child... and I wonder.. if I went tomorrow... would she remember?

I listened to the service today about Gram, and realized, that nothing in the world matters except to make the people that matter to me most KNOW how much I love them. How much my life only matters as long as they know how MUCH I love them.

And I will start with you. Baby girl, I can only write it so many times but I LOVE YOU. One day, I will move on to another world, where I will reunite with those that we love, but know, that no matter how old I am, whether it be tomorrow or 80 years from now, at this moment in time, my heart is forever with yours. That you are my heart. And you are my soul. And I will ALWAYS be with you.... whether or not you can wrap you tiny hands around mine.... or I wrap my wrinkled hands around yours... you are my heart and you have my soul.

Forever and always baby girl.... Mommy loves you.

Heaven has opened its arms...

2010-02-15T10:46:00.000-08:00

Your Auntie's Gram was a wonderful gentle soul. She has a heart of gold and I was a very lucky person to have known a part of her. I believe that your Auntie has Grams' heart. She first told me about her on a road trip that we once took together and after meeting "Gram", I knew in my heart that Auntie Alicia was the one for your Uncle Dave.

I just want you to know, that even though you most likely will not remember this amazing woman, that she thought you were such a "Bella" and cared about you. She will forever be your cousin Dallas' guardian angel, and I'm sure she will be keeping an eye on you too.

I've never in my life met someone with such amazing "life advice" as Gram... she would just say these amazing things, that would make anyone think twice about how they view life. She was an amazing hugger, and always made everyone around her feel the love that she has in her.

I remember the day that you were playing in her arms and she was telling a story about how she was so loved by so many people, that maybe that is why she doesn't know how to hate, because she was so loved... well I hope that when you grow old, you feel the same way Solana. Mommy (and so many more) loves you Unconditionally.

Until we meet again Gram....

Slumber Party!

2010-02-11T19:12:00.000-08:00

It just worked out better for me to let you sleep. You looked so comfy snoozing away in Nana's playpen so the decision was made. Daddy was working nights, and it was too late at night, so I would stay with you there so you had a good nights rest. Those have been far between since the Teething Monster has been visiting. (And I call it that instead of what I want to call it, since considering this is a book to you, I'm keeping that in mind)

I sat up with Nana and Nono, reading a magazine, as they sat watching the nightly news. We talked about you and the fun that they had with you. We talked about me going back to work soon (sniff sniff) and we talked about Nono's birthday coming up. Reading this, it must sound so boring, but what I haven't mentioned was this was the first time I was spending the night at 'home' since Daddy and I got married.

Nana gave me a pair of her pj's (yikes!) and she gave you a bottle as I lay in my old bed. We talked about how much you've grown, and how crazy it is how quickly life changes.

After Nana put you back down in your play pen, she tucked me in and left the room saying "Sona con los angelitos". That's right, at 29 years old this woman who I have come to admire after all these years, still tucked her daughter in for the night as if she just did it yesterday.

I layed in my old bed, surrounded by memories. The pictures frames of highschool days; the degrees and diplomas hanging on the wall (I'm going to paying for those pieces of paper until I'm old and grey); the coo-coo clock on the wall from my weekend in Germany (remind me to tell you about Baden-Baden, but only when you're old enough); the photos of the Greek Isles that I framed to remind me that I needed to travel there one day (and I promise I will); the piles and piles of VHS movies that I used to watch after my night shifts at a hotel or when I just needed a good chick flick for a good cry; and the bookshelf full of novels that I read everynight before going to sleep.

As I lay there, looking around at the smallest objects that meant nothing to a stranger but a million memories to me, I came across my old bulletin board with pictures of daddy and I from when we first started dating. And it all hit me... this is where I drifted off to sleep every night. This is where I would drift off to dream land, dreaming and wishing for a future EXACTLY as I have right now. What I've always wanted most in life was a family to love and as I was thinking all this, I peeked over the bed, and there you were, breathing softly, and I'm sure dreaming wonderful dreams.

I lay back in bed, taking out the novel that I brought with me from 'our home' and started to read... just as I did for many years before...

At 7am, you decided it was play time and I decided it wasn't... ha! We cuddled in mommy's old bed, as I sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to you, and we both drifted off to sleep together... at some point, I heard Nono peeking into my room, to make sure that we were okay, just like he always did. An hour later, we both woke up to Nana trying to take a picture of us (of course she couldn't figure out how to work the camera and snapped open the shades because there wasn't enough light... like THAT wasn't going to wake us up! Ha!).

We all ate breakfast together including you. And talked about what the day was going to bring, just like we used to. When it was time for your morning nap, we headed home to daddy so we could all snuggle in bed together. Before I left, Nana and Nono made sure to tell me that my bed is always there waiting for me, and deep down I know they loved their night, just as much as I did.

It was a great night, and a great morning, and it made me think about where I've come from, where I've been, and how happy I am to be where I am now. As for what our future brings...my dream and wish for you is that as you grow up and and as you move on, no matter where life takes you, no matter where you find yourself, you will always know that mommy wants you to come home so I can tuck you in for one more night too, just like I always have...

Sona con los angelitos Solana

Too many firsts!

2010-01-25T20:30:00.000-08:00

This post is LONG OVERDUE, but I've held onto it in my EDIT pile for quite sometime and I finally finished it. Might be late, but not forgotten. (Did you know your mother is the biggest procrastinator you'll probobly ever meet? Here's the proof!)

I have procrastinated this post for way too long! December brought such a busy month and January did not slow down! Your fifth month was full of 'firsts' and so many changes!

Where shall we start???

Your first meeting with The Big Guy!

You stared at him intently... you stared at the lady shaking the bells, and gave her your smirk as if to say "really? that's all you got?"... and then you stared at mommy as if to say "I've been a good girl, right!" and SNAP! I'm pretty sure you told him that mommy really wanted that shiny red diaper bag! Thanks hunny :)

Your photo shoot with Santa was a success... but our wait at the restaurant we hit up afterwards was NOT! This is how we had to entertain you...

well... if the shoe fits....

Five months old!

I'm not sure what you wished for this month, but you really wanted eat that alfajor!

Your first cousin!!!

Dallas Lucas Domenic Dorazio was born on December 21, 2009! After putting your poor Auntie through a hell of a labour (ha! looks like you guys have already been chatting on how to torture your mothers!) he came out kicking at 5:38pm, weighing in at 6lbs 10oz.

I remember being soooo excited to see the little guy, but when I held him in my arms for the first time, it hit me how much I already loved him. The two of you are going to have an amazing life growing up together as cousins!

Your First Christmas!We had such a blast together as a family. Spending time at Nonna and Mundo's house on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning at Nana and Nono's place with Lil' Dallas where you both received your first stockings, and ending the holidays off with a gift opening at Grandma and Grandpa's house where Grandpa presented you with your first fishing pole, and tackle box.

Your First New Years Party!

You were so very kind to ask to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house so that Daddy and I could have a night out with our friends. But first we had to celebrate with you my dear. Countdown and all!

Your First Swimming Lessons

You were so afraid of the water for the first few lessons which shocked me. You normally love your bath time and the sound of water always soothes you to sleep, but for some reason, the pool made you nervous. You clinged onto my neck (not that I minded at all) but after a while you eased up. By the last class, you were crawling around the shallow end, showing off your new skills!

So much happened during these months. It was so hard to keep caught up to you. You are such a busy girl, but momma loves every second of it!!!

Your Baptism... in pictures

2010-01-17T20:24:00.000-08:00

I couldn't just mention your baptism with out at least posting a photo journey of this amazing day :)

December!

2009-12-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

Wow! What a special month this month is!

It started off amazing with your baptism and first party in your honour! You'd think it being December 20th, we'd of course be very excited for your first Christmas, but we have one small occassion to celebrate first. The BIRTH OF BABY DALLAS!!!!!!!!

Auntie Alicia and Uncle Dave will be headed to the hospital tomorrow morning to bring your very first cousin into the world. I have a very strong feeling that the two of you will be best of friends. Besides, with all of Uncle Dave's teasing, you'll have to practice what you've learned on somebody!

Then... in just a few day, Santa Clause will come to visit you for the very first time! What a wonderful life!

Aunts and Uncles!

2009-12-20T20:36:00.000-08:00

LUCKY GIRL! You have two sets of those too!

Auntie Julia and Uncle Mitch live out of town. When they come into town, Auntie Julia will spend the whole night with you when she can. Not even Grandma or Grandpa can pry you out of her hands!

Uncle Mitch will be the one to take you 4 wheeling, fishing, and all the other fun stuff. He is always happy to make special trips out of town to bring you wipes and diapers! Now if you can only train him to bring you diamonds too we'll be set!

Auntie Alicia will be the one that you tell all your secrets to. The secrets you don't want mommy to know! Your smiles for her are smiles that you give to no other.

Uncle Dave is your protector and life long teaser. He can't go 30 seconds without squeezing your cheeks, or letting you feel what "cold" feels like. Mommy gets mad at him all the time for startling you. Just like he used to always tell me growing up... it'll make you stronger. ha!

Grandma's and Grandpa's

2009-12-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

You have two sets.

We've named them Grandma and Grandpa, and Nana and Nono.

You can name them whatever you want when your sounds turn into words.

Now. Obviously, Daddy and I love you very very much. You are the center of our universe. But one thing that you need to realize is that you are the center of theirs too. You are so loved baby girl.

You have a very special relationship with Grandpa. No one calms you the way he does. The two of you can sit in that chair all day long, napping, watching t.v, or chatting away.

Grandma is the lady you tell all your stories to. You chat about your future, and all the amazing things you'll do together.

You and Nono thoroughly enjoy "Walking Chair", where you'll travel in your seated position on Nono's chest as he walks around the house chanting his rhyme, showing you all the interesting things you love to look at.

Nana mistakes you for me. I'll often catch her calling you Sonia, as if you were her little girl. She will not let you go out of her sight without you flashing "Nana's smile" for her, and you love every second of it.

You are a spoiled little girl. And I love it!

Baptism

2009-12-20T18:45:00.000-08:00

December 6th - Your Baptism Day!

What an amazing day. Daddy and I planned your whole routine/scheadule out the night before... what time should we wake you? What time will your first bottle be at? When should we get you dressed? What time should you nap. This was all so very important considering you HAD TO NAP before we left for the church. That was VERY IMPORTANT.

But... of course... you don't care what we have planned... you are Solana, and you decide the scheadule for the day...hahaha!

You slept untill 7:30am and threw off the whole day. That meant that nap time was to occur EXACTLY 1 hour before mass began and chances are that meant NO NAP! Ahhhhh...

Nana and Nono, Grandma and Grandpa, you aunts and uncles came over and the picture taking began. You looked so beautiful in your outfit that Nana and Nono bought you. On our way to the church you fell asleep for five minutes. But even so you amazed all of us.

You stole everyone's hearts that day. Not a peep came through your mouth, except for the raspberries that you just learned to blow. Eventually you became restless and I brought you to the back so you can fuss it out in the bathroom while I put you to sleep. Too bad it was time to baptise you.. Now THAT was embarrasing... walking back in while all eyes were on us.

You were MESMERIZED by the priest. You loved every second of it, even as the water was being poured over your head.

After chuch, we all headed to the restaurant where we were surrounded by every one we loved. Daddy and I haven't been in the same room with all these people at once since our wedding day. It was amazing. You fell asleep for about 20 minutes, and smiled all day.

We finally got home at about 4:30pm and you had your bottle and went to bed for the night. It was beautiful! You looked beautiful, and once again, you amaze me every day!

I love you baby girl!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T21:31:00.001-08:00

The Wake Up Call

2009-12-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

Solana has been doing so great with her sleeping. We finally have figured out how to get her on a scheadule that really helps her to sleep well. It's been over a month and the challenge of getting her to fall back to sleep in her crib at 5am is nearly impossible. She just fusses and cries for at least an hour and sometimes has no intention of falling back asleep. So, I scoop her up, and bring her to bed with me.

I've learned how to sleep with her better. Instead of sleeping with her lying across me, she now sleeps between Leo and I. She has her own space.
Yesterday, I got the best wake up call I could dream of. My beautiful Sol was snapping my bracelet to wake me up.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned my bracelet before, but in 4 and a half months, I've never take it off. It started off as a breastfeeding tool, and then turned into a reminder of that special bond we carried for those INSANE 6 weeks. Now it has turned to my link to her. I CAN'T take it off. The day that bracelet snaps on me, I will cry. No doubt about it.

So, back to yesterday morning.

Daddy fell asleep on the couch downstairs after his night shift. He was supposed to come get you out of bed with me at 7:30am. At 9:30 I felt "tick, tick, tick"... When I opened my eyes, there you were, shining that beautiful gummy smile on me, and pulling on my bracelet... tick tick tick. As if to say "wake up mommy". I opened one eye at a time. Smiled my toothy smile back at you, scooped you up and flew you around like an airplane. Can I ask for a better wake up call? I think not.

This morning, when 5am hit and you refused to go back to sleep, I brought you to bed and you layed calmly between Daddy and I. You stared at him, then you stared at me, then back at him. You took your precious little hand, rested it on his chest, cuddled up real close and went to sleep. I think my heart sprayed out of my toes. I never knew that I could love so much. Daddy and Solana. My perfect world.

I love you baby girl.

Eyelashes

2009-11-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

You were born with 6 of them. 3 on each eyelid. I remember staring at them in the hospital, the first days when we first became a family. 6 of them. I remember thinking to myself... "hmmm.. only 6... I wonder why only 6. I wonder if she'll get more. If she has any Dorazio blood in her, she should have more."

One day, when I wasn't looking you decided to sprout the rest. BANG! There they were! A million eyelashes.

Now I stare at them every day.

And tonight like every night, I kiss them goodnight, over and over, until those beautiful eyelashes stop fluttering, and you're dreaming with the angels.

I wonder when it'll be appropriate to teach you about mascara? hmmmm...

and now there's calm...

2009-11-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

My baby girl is 4 months old! How did this come to be? I remember when you were 6 weeks old, and we started our Kanga Bounce exercise class (very short lived), I looked at the four month old babies and thought "wow, they're old". I think at the time I was in denial that you would get that big. And here we are.

The supportive new moms in my world were often reminding me that at three months things will get so much easier, that the first three months were about survival. Well it was about survival all right (an understatement) but it didn't stop there. Three months came and went, and things were still tough. But then the magic happened. As we approached the four month mark together as a family, we were able to see the light (and our pillows more often).

You has started sleeping longer stretches. We've found a daily routine of feeds and naps. Daddy and I have figured out a workable system so we both get enough sleep. And you have continued to develop such an amazing personality.

There are so many little quirks that Daddy and I just adore about you.

You fall asleep with a chooch in your mouth, but as soon as you're done with it, you spit it out and shape your lips into the most adorable little squiggle and smack them together. My gummy girl is practicing for when you're turns 80 years old.

When you roll in your crib, and get "stuck" in a corner, you'll call for us to come and "save" you. I just love how when you hear our voice, or our footsteps getting near, you'll stop, as if to say "okay, you heard me".

Daddy's favourite is your kicking legs and feet to show your excitement. That's usually followed by a squeal of delight, and our hearts pore out of our fingers and toes.

The way you toss and turn your head to find a comfortable spot as you go to sleep for the night in your crib. But you do it so quickly, not even giving yourself enough time to see if that's The Spot.

How Sophie the Giraffe and the bars in your crib are your bestest friends in the world.

When you finally fall asleep in our arms for a nap, and we are courageous enough to put you down in your playpen, you'll all of a sudden open your eyes, flap your arms, give us a huge gummy smile, as if to say "HA!!! Gotcha!"
How you only like to see either mom or dads face when we greet you in your car seat in the truck (if anyone says hello before us, you get PISSED!)

You like to put your feet up, whether on a table when you're sitting in my lap, or on the toy bar on your bouncy chair.

It has only been four months. FOUR MONTHS! Daddy and I talked about this just yesterday. Four months ago, you were shell shocked (and so were we). A diaper was a foreign object. A onesie was torture. So many faces, and blurry objects. And now, you pick up toys in amazement. You recognize peoples faces who love you the most. You go to people when they put their hands out to you (except your mother, but we'll keep working on that), you're doing crunches daily to learn to sit up (you're going to have a six pack in no time). It amazes me each and every day how quickly you are transforming.

The holidays are coming up and we have so much to look forward to. You watched your first Santa Clause Parade (even though you fell asleep as the first float approached, but woke up for Jolly St. Nick) and we just can't wait to introduce you to him for your first picture (maybe you can ask him for the coffee pot that mommy really wants?) I can't wait to pull you around the neighbourhood in a sled, stay up late with you on Christmas Eve (maybe we can make it to 8pm!) and wake up with you on Christmas morning!

With such fun times ahead, we're also so very excited for your upcoming Baptism, and possibly most exciting of all, the birth of your cousin Dallas!

Happy Four Months Birthday baby girl!

Mommy Loves You♥

everything

2009-11-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Solana,

Tonight, as Nana was feeding you your Goodnight Bottle, and I cut your finger nails, I looked at her and said "I love being a mom. I found what my purpose in life is. I don't want to do anything except be with her, and love her, and watch her grow, and love her some more".

You are everything that I need. I have everything, because I have you.

Love Mum.

Dear Solana,

2009-11-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Solana,

It's almost 11pm and yet another day is coming to an end. I feel like so many changes have happened in the last few weeks, for the both of us. For example, I have figured out a system between you and I that allows me to take a shower before 5pm; I've learned how to make lists of things to do (although adding to the list is much easier than striking things off of it); I've firmly spoken to a customer service agent, threatening to take away our phone business, where in the past I would ever so kindly say "please"; and I've come to love tea again, just as I did during those first nights when it's already four a.m and we still haven't slept. Daddy and I have come full circle, and now make an excellent team. We should start a teamwork seminar on how to bath, feed, and put baby to sleep, all while preparing bottles and diaper bag for the next day at the same time.

And you have changed too. So many first still continue to occur that a pace that I still think is unbelievable. You are a rolling over queen, you LOVE to tell stories especially about what you dreamed about the night before, you've discovered how to pull the bone in your rocking chair (you shocked the hell out of everyone at Sunday Dinner, when all of a sudden we hear "de de deee de dum dum dum" as we all look down, and you're smiling as if to say "HA!!!"). But my most favourite is that you very easily transformed into a Chick Monkey on your very first Hallowe'en!

After Daddy and I got you dressed we started our "Monkey Tour". First stop was Grandma and Grandpa Aikens where we discovered your first ever Jack O' Lantern, next was Nona and Mundo's house where you were introduced to the Italian version of Hallowe'en candy (a box of cookies), next was Gino and Tracy's where you discovered that yes it is okay to BBQ in negative temperatures, next was Nana and Nono Dorazio's where you discovered that it is possible to say goodbye at the entrance way and not forced to be shown something interesting, and our final stop was at Uncle Dave and Auntie Leash's where I'm sure you and Baby Dallas had a chance to catch up through real world/utero discussions. You were adorable, and soooo good. It took you quite awhile to fall asleep but worth every photo.

Above all, it's your personality that has developed that makes my heart melt every day. Things I've learned about you:

You have officially made friends with the crib slates as blocking your legs from going through brings you complete devastation.

You like holding up your own bottle, although you need some help when it's a bit full.
You sleep differently for mommy and daddy. Mommy rocks you and sings her lullabies, while daddy shushes you to sleep.

You can't decide if you want to laugh or cry sometimes, and it's hilarious watching you make the decision.
You have different smiles for different reasons. The "GOOD MORNING" smile, "I love you too" smirk are our favourites.

You love flying through the sky, and have learned to eat mom's nose when I give you Mommy Kisses.

You appreciate the ring of formula around your mouth after every feeding since you love sticking your hand in it before mom can wipe it off.
You HATE having shirts pulled over your head. You just might miss something in that one millisecond that you can't see!

You look for mommy when you're around someone that you don't see often.
You Love to burp now, and have learned the art of Secret Poops.

You love mommy and Solana time, listening to Sarah MacLachlan before we go to bed.

I love you more today than I did yesterday and know I'll love you more tomorrow.

My heart still skips a beat when I see you and Daddy napping together, and I miss you so terribly when you are away from me.

During your sleep overs, I find myself constantly waking to look at the monitor, having to remind myself that you are bringing love to one of your grandparents homes instead. My heart is bigger with you in it, my voice is stronger because it's your voice too.

I love you baby girl. Sona con los angelitos (Dream with the angels).

Love, Mummy

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

Will The Real Solana Please Stand Up (or roll?)

2009-10-28T15:25:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to add this post for quite some time, but I've been busy. Ha! I had no idea that motherhood would be so trying. I have my moments of complete despair, but then she smiles, or giggles, or rolls, or makes a funny sound. And then it happens.. the names... the many names Leo and I have for Solana Aikens:

Solana, Sol, Monkey, Monk, Monkster, Monkeroonie, Sweat Pea, Peanut, Lovie, Bella, Sun, Sunshine, Mammie, Pookie, Poopie, Poo (I'm sure she'll apprciate that one day), Slober Puss, Smiley, Rollie, Angel, Devil, Porker, Sweetie, Sweetie Pie, Little Girl, Stinker, Stinkeroonie, and that's all I can remember right now.

So crazy how much life has changed. I don't even remember life before her, and it was only a little over three months ago. I don't remember what I worried about before, or what I was selfish about before, because motherhood makes you very selfless (I'm not sure if that's the right term, HA!)

My little monkey is growing so quickly. What a dollie. Wait!!!! Add that to the list!... Dollie.

Where's the monkey?

(WOW!!! When was she that little??)

Children See.... Children Do

2009-10-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight I watched a public service announcement about children behaving the same way their parents do and it really hit home. Ever since Solana has come into my world I've done my best to think about her before acting. There have been so many decisions to make about her but also about myself. I have a daughter now... and EVERYTHING that I do affects her.

I've also recently come to the realization that somewhere along my way in my travel through life, I've lost my spunk. I used to not care. I used to stand up for myself, for my friends, and for my beliefs. I used to speak my mind, and not stand back and watch. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but it changed. I got scared. I started to sit back. Stay quiet. Keep my opinions to myself. Became shy. Was walked on.

But this little girl... all 12 lbs of her has brought it back out in me. I know that I've posted about this before, but she really does bring the best out in me, and that best is everything that I used to be, just wiser.

I want Solana to have a strong back bone. To be loyal to her family and friends. To dream big and follow those dreams no matter what obstacles are in the way. I want her to not care about what others think, but to care about others. I want her to know how beautiful she is inside and out, but not think that she's better than the person standing next to her. I want her to accept others, for who they are not what they could be. I want her to love hard and have a caring heart. I want her to see the good in people, even if it's hidden under layers. But at the same time, I want her to know when it's time to walk away, and realize, "I've given my best".

She has grown so much in the last couple of weeks, rolling over BOTH WAYS, giggling, recognizing those who are most important in her life right now. Although sleeping is hard to come by these days, I don't care, because everything I do affects her. I can't be grumpy in the morning because I'm tired, because she will be too. It's as simple as that. This is where it starts, and I have to keep carrying the torch until she carries it herself.

Happy 3 months little girl. Mommy loves you!

How quickly we forget

2009-10-10T11:52:00.000-07:00

Today I was reading a blog created by another mom. As she was talking about the "crying it out" theory (which as of the present, I do not believe in) she mentioned being put into the psych ward after doing 14 days of crying it out. This intrigued me so I went back into her blog during this time period in her life to read about it. She was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression a few months after her little one was born.

Before Solana, I just did not understand what post partum depression was. I mean, I understood that some mommies got it, but I just couldn't imagine what they could be thinking that would make them feel the way they do. Then I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, and it all made sense.

I don't have PPD, and I am grateful for that. But reading her blog made me realize how quickly I forgot how difficult it was. I always thought that once you are a mom, everything is great. No one EVER talked about the first few weeks. In one of my earlier posts, I talked about that first day in the hospital with her. How it wasn't love at first sight, until we made that connection. It was beautiful.

Once we arrived home, everything was wonderful. I was in a wonderland.

Then reality hit me...

She cried. A LOT. I hadn't slept in days, and I was scared. Scared that I wasn't doing it right. Scared that this little creature was depending on me, and I had no answers. I was getting "advice" from so many people, I didn't know which way to turn. Leo and family members were amazingly understanding but I was scared this wasn't going to stop. I constantly had an overwhelming sense of failure, that maybe I wasn't made to be a mother after all.

Then I cried for feeling guilty for feeling this way. For not holding her all the time. For wasting the first few days of her life because I was crying.

picture of one of our many sleepless, mommy and Solana crying, nights. Thank God for Leo!

Most of the crying came from breastfeeding. It wasn't working for us, but for some reason it was an obsession that I just couldn't get a hold of. I would DREAD night time. When the street lights would go on in the streets, the anxiety would begin. It's the sleep deprivation that does this to people, and I had NO idea that life as a new mom could be like this. I would never nap. They say to "nap when the baby naps" but I couldn't. I was constantly worried about her, and while she napped I read everything about babies, overwhelming myself even more. I started trying to get her on a schedule which was working, but the closer it came to time for her to eat, the anxiety would kick in.

It was scary when Leo went back to work. He was off for a week with us. Solana amazingly came on her due date, and Leo's first day of his holidays. I remember calling my mom crying when Leo worked his first night shift, leaving me home with her for the night. I just needed someone to hold her while got myself together. (I also called her over the day Solana decided to spray her poop all over the nursery as if she was a human sprinkler)

The crying did get worse. Babies cries peak at 6 weeks. When she was crying uncontrollably, and nothing I did soothed her, there would be times that I just had to put her down and walk away for a minute to breathe or I'd watch tv, swaying with her, pretending that I couldn't hear it. It kept me sane.

I think what helped the most is that I talked about it. I'm not one to keep things to myself (hence this blog), and I think for once, that may have been my saving grace. I talked to Leo, to certain family members, to friends. I just didn't understand how I didn't know that it was like this. I remember saying that you'd hear that someone had a baby and then 2 months later, they are in the mall and everything was perfect. You don't hear about the first few weeks.

Things slowly started getting better. I made the tremendously difficult decision to stop breastfeeding which led to Leo being able to help in the feeding department, started ignoring "advice" that I didn't need, and kept on talking about everything.

People always told me that everything gets better at three months. I HATED it when they said that, because I didn't believe them. But Solana is going to be 3 months next Sunday, and I can't believe how far we've come in so little time. Trying to feed her out of the cup, giving up breastfeeding, moving her into our bed, finding the right bottles, finding the right formula, getting her on a schedule, now crib training. My beautiful baby girl smiles, laughs, stares, tells me what she dreams about, and melts my heart every waking moment, and sleeping ones too.

Like I said... I don't have PPD, but now I understand. My heart goes out to each mom out there who has a colicy baby, or a reflux baby, or PPD, or single mom or anything of the sort that can make this time even more difficult than it was.

Now... I'm the mom in the mall... and everything is perfect.

In My Daughter's Eyes...

2009-10-08T20:57:00.001-07:00

I still remember the quiet evening... sitting in my glider in the Solana's room, nursing her for one of the last times. I was staring at her, thinking about life, thinking "can I do this? Will I be a good mom? Will she always know how much I love her?" and this song came on the radio....

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace

This miracle God gave to me

gives me strength when I am weak

I find reason to believe In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light

It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes

I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy

she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

I've always wanted to be someone's mom... but I had no idea how I can love a little soul so much. I had no idea I had this much love in me. She makes me want to be a better person. I am different now because I know that she will always be looking at me, and everything I do will shape her to become the person she is.

My favourite line is, "When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me, For I'll be there in my daughter's eyes".

NOW I understand what Martina was talking about.

Solana... when you read this... know that mommy loves you with every piece of my soul. I'll hold your hand for a little while, but your heart forever. MUAH!

Crib Training...

2009-10-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

Until this week, Solana has been cosleeping with Leo and I. I swore that I would never be the mom who brought her kids to bed with her. I don't mind it as babies, but I know too many mom's who say "train them now, because it won't end..." We purchased a beautiful bassinet... Solana wanted nothing to do with it.

So, after picking up our winnings from Sears because of Solana's punctual attendance into our world, we decided to stock up on monitors that would put us at ease. The first is the oh so famous AngelCare monitor that alarms if baby stops breathing, and the other is a video monitor, that let's me watch her while she sleeps.

After setting it up, and getting the crib sleep ready, we made the big move. I was sad to not have her sleeping beside me but I knew it was time for her to have her own space. I felt like we were the ones waking her up all night long. She is constantly fidgeting, looking for her chooch.

I fell asleep watching the monitor rather than watching the tv...

Night #1... Solana slept from 9 till 11, had a bottle, back down till 4am... REFUSED to go back to sleep... after an hour of inconsolable crying, I brought her back to bed with me. She fell asleep. So did I.

Night #2... Solana slept from 9 till 11, had a bottle, back down till 12, then till 1, then till 2... then inconsolable crying. I said to myself "nope, I am NOT going to bring her back to bed with me". 3 hours later. I brought her back to bed with me.

Night #3... Solana slepft from 10 till 4:30 am!!!! (Notice I left out the last bottle, but rather made her last bottle fuller) Had a bottle, then from 5am till 8:30!!!

Now that's a sleeping beauty!!!! I was soooo proud of her! Now I know this may not happen again, but at least I had a good nights rest, and we know what it should look like.

Night #4... Tonight she's been sleeping in her crib since 9pm.. it's now midnight... let's keep our fingers crossed...

Diamonds are a girls best friend!

2009-10-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

My baby is growing soooo fast! It's been quite a while since I've updated my blog and her first year journal. Daily I've been coming up with different ideas of what to write about, but at the end of the day, when life calms down, I just don't have the thrive to write.

Well, I just could not pass up on this one...

We got our little girls ears pierced!

Now I know this is a touchy subject to some. A lot of people think it's terrible to do this to such a little girl. It all comes down to tradition on this one. My Nonna Franca (my mom's mom) pierced my ears when I was two months old (and that included a needle and string) so I wanted to pass this down to Solana. Leo wanted to buy his little princess her first diamonds so since he had to work my mom and I headed to People's Jewellers to pick out her first diamonds from daddy.

I was really nervous to do this. In one sense I wanted to follow tradition, plus I would MUCH rather her go through it when she's young, not able to pull on them and not remembering the pain. On the other hand, I was not looking forward to her reaction. As I mentioned in my last blog, she just got her 2 month shots, so I knew it would be similar.

Waiting for the big moment...

After some infants tylenol, orajel to numb her ears, and much coversation about which diamonds would look best, we went for it.

Mom held her bottle, while I held her close to me. The ladies took their positions and 1.... 2... 3!

Wow! That was no cry... that was a scream! I consoled her, and gave her a bottle and within minutes, she was smiling!

She looks absolutely gorgeous! Of course, I think she already did, but my little girl has just tranformed from my little monkey, to my little princess... BLING BLING!

Mommy and Solana: Before

Mommy and Solana: After

Later on that night

Now I MIGHT have to bring her in to get her left ear redone because it isn't centered (one of the drawbacks of doing both ears at once). We'll see...

NOTE TO SELF: When I read this a year from now, or when Solana does when she is older, I need to remember my moms reaction to it all. She has often admitted that when she looks at Solana she thinks she's looking at me. I catch her calling herself "mommy" sometimes too. You'd think I'd be annoyed by all this, but I'm not. It's sweet being able to watch them treat her the way I'm sure they did to me. Well at the piercing, she soooo badly wanted to hold her. From the moment we got there, to wanting Solana to be on her lap, and comforting her afterwards. I had to explain to her, that this is a moment in her life that she needs mommy. LOL! Too cute!

My baby turned two... two months, that is!

2009-09-24T17:52:00.001-07:00

I can't believe how fast our little girl is growing. The other day I looked back at her one month old pictures, and couldn't believe how different she looked. When did this all happen? She's just growing so fast! She is so smiley and happy. We've joined Kanga Bounce at the YMCA. I LOVE it! Not only do I get a great workout, but Solana and I get to share special Mommy/Daughter time together. During our cooldown, I just love being head to head on the mats with her. It's like she's laughing at me. LOVE IT!

We brought her on her second road trip. Not bad! 2 months old and she's already got two roadies under her belt! She did great! We headed off to Sudbury to stay with Emily and Thomas. It was such a relaxing weekend.

On Sunday, we left Leo and Tom with Solana to watch some football.
She's discovered TV too! Uh oh!

On Tuesday, Solana had her two month shots. It was so hard to watch my little girl get poked and proded. At needle time, I had to distract her, Leo had to hold her legs down, and the two nurses counted to three and poked each leg. If Solana could talk.. this is her play by play.
"Hi Mommy"
"Look, I have a big smile"
"Smilessssss... OUch!"
"Hmmmm... what was that"
"OUCHHHH!!!!"
"MOMMY!!!!!!"

It was heartbreaking! I picked her up, and then she stoped crying.... looking around at everyone. Then... it really hit her! Ooooohhh that cry! And yes, I did cry too.

When the nurse was examining her, I told her about Solana's belly button, asking if it's normal for her to have an "innie" sometimes, and an "outie" others. After checking around, we find out that it might be a hernia! A hernia? My baby has a hernia? We have an appointment to see a surgeon next month... yes... i cried again :)

Leo has been off work for almost two weeks, so he was able to spend a lot of daddy time with her. It was killer watching him have to go back to work (well... I didn't really watch... I'm one sleepy mommy at 4am!

I can't wait to see what the next month of Solana's life will be bringing us. Her smile is constant now, her cries are changing to baby cries, rather than newborn cries, she loves to "talk" to us. What will this month bring?

Coffee and a pregnancy test... or more.

2009-09-17T10:44:00.001-07:00

Today I'm having flashbacks of the morning I told Leo that he was going to be a dad. It's a good thing I wrote this down a few days later, because I didn't remember all the details.. here it is...

I remember waking up that morning, with instincts to go buy a test. I told Leo that I was going to get a coffee (didn’t want to get his hopes up). He asked for one too which meant that I had to actually go and get coffees. I bought the coffee’s first and then two pregnancy tests. I remember feeling like a guilty teenager when I was paying for them. Hahaha.

Upon my return I tiptoed around the house and took one test. It immediately came back positive. Thinking I did something wrong I tried for the second test. But I couldn’t pee. So after drinking about 3 glasses of water I took another test. It came back positive too. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor, crying, at the thought that is could be true. Happy but scared at the same time. I walked into the bedroom, woke Leo up saying “You better drink my coffee too” In his delirium, he asks “Why”? My response “Because you can’t drink coffee when you are pregnant”. He shot up in bed. Stared… and put his arms around me!

I remember immediately calling the doctor for an appointment… couldn’t get in till next week… calling the walk in… they don’t do tests… the nurse told me that if my test came back positive then I am pregnant… I remember saying “So I’m having a baby” She says “Yes my dear, you are having a baby”. I contemplated faking being sick and going to the ER for a blood test. For some reason I just wouldn’t believe it.

After talking to Leo I felt like I had to take another test. So this time I went to A&P and bought two more (I didn’t want to look like an idiot at the drugstore ) I came home, peed in a cup… the first test.. positive… the second.. NEGATIVE! What???

I called back to the group health… made an appointment for Wednesday. In the meantime I picked up two more tests from a nurse friend of mine… came home… downed 2 more glasses of water.. peed in a cup… and both NEGATIVE. I was crushed. Cried. Slept. For two hours. I went to work that night knowing that I wasn't pregnant. After work I picked up two more tests.

On Wednesday morning, I took the tests as soon as I woke up. I remember sitting there and staring while the lines came back positive. I walked away, trying to hold in the disappointment, convincing mysel, we'll just keep trying. After I finished getting ready for the day, I went back to the bathroom to throw the tests in the garbage... Low and behold… POSITIVE, twice!

So, let's count them up

2...

2...

2...

2

Yup... that's right... 8 tests later, I FINALLY believed it. What a thrill! I guess the reason why I came back with negatives, was because after so many tests and so many glasses of water... I was actually peeing out only water... hahaha! What an idiot I am!

We thought of ways to tell our loved ones. This is what we came up with...

Thinking back to the days we got to spread our news... till now... What a wonderful life :)

Poor Baby

2009-09-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

Solana is sick. The whole family is sick (I love saying that... family... cause now we are a family). Although I feel for Leo's cough, and I feel like my head is going to explode, it kills me to see her cry with a snotty nose. It's crazy to know that I've figured out her cries. There's the "feed me now... like right now.. like this instant "cry; the "Get this crappy diaper off of me "cry; the "ahhhh... i don't want to play this game anymore!" cry; the"oh mommy, I'm sooooo tired" cry; and then there's the "I don't feel good" cry. And this is the cry that breaks my heart. She gets that look on her face, and pouts out her bottom lip, and then the C....R... Y....follows. I shed a tear every time.

We'll be going to the doctors tomorrow to get some tips on clearing out a snotty nose ;) and deal with this pooping issue we've discovered. (I never thought I'd be someone to be so happy to see, as well as visually disect POOP)

(This is Solana's

"Feed me now" cry!)

Quick!!!! Get that bottle!!!

QUICK!!!!

Meanwhile, between the crying fits, she's learned to smile. And I shed a tear at each smile too! (Come to think of it, I'm a tearful person these days... lol) I've yet to be able to catch one of those gorgeous full fledge smiles on camera (Damn delay on these digitals), but I'm going to keep on trying ;)

I love watching her with daddy. They have a bond like no other. I fall in love all over, everytime I see them together. He talks to her all the time, and I love listening to them when they have no idea I can hear them. I look forward to watching them run around in the backyard together, or catching snoozes on the couch :)

Daddy and Solana, having a morning chat.

The day my life began...

2009-09-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

(My first moment with my little girl)

She came into our world at 2:35am, July 18, 2009, weight 8lbs 8oz, 20 1/4 inches long. Unlike her mother, Solana is very punctual. Arrived bright eyed, and curious on her due date. Nothing prepared me for what was to come. I continuously told others, that no matter what your read, nothing can prepare you for life with your first child.

I remember sitting in the hospital room, just her and I after Daddy went home to wash up, staring at this beautiful little girl, yet for some reason, I didn't recognize her as my daughter. That sounds so terrible to say. I don't know if it was feeling traumatized from such a long labour, or the fear of the unknown future, or being so worried about every breath she took (not that I should have worried, because she was just fine) but staring at her on this Saturday afternoon, the world stood still. Then she started to stir. Then she started to cry. Then I looked around. "It's just you and me" is what I thought. I picked her up, and rocked her, as if I rocked her a million times before. And that is when it happened. She opened her eyes and stared right into mine, and I said "there you are, I see you". And my heart melted. To this day, my heart melts over and over again.

(Solana's one month birthday cupcake)

I can't believe that Solana will be two months old on Friday. I feel like I've been doing this forever. I can't believe how much I have learned already. It hasn't been easy. I am pretty paranoid, second guessing every move, but only because I love her so. I feel like I've grown into a woman in the last 8 weeks. A woman who is no longer afraid of anything, because I have a little one to show the world to. So many hard decisions have been made already. I can't believe how difficult of a decision it was to choose to stop breastfeeding!

I am one very lucky girl. I have the husband any woman would dream of. I hope and pray that Solana will find someone in her life that makes her just as happy as he makes me. I couldn't ask for a better family, or better friends. I count my blessings everyday, and am so happy that I can finally track all the memories through this blog.